Zombie Tuesdays

04/12/2011 at 4:27 pm (Writing, Zombie Tuesday) (, , , , , , , , , , )

So I have decided to start doing something slightly new with my blog.  I was thinking about how I can only talk about so many different writing subjects per a week, and how it might be nice to spice things up a bit with some zombies.

 

The funny thing is, I don’t really read much or watch much with zombies, and I’ve only ever written one short story for Halloween that had any of the undead in it.  But whenever I can’t sleep at night, or need something to occupy my thoughts during a long workday, I think about what I would do in certain worst-case scenarios, and I can’t think of anything that’s worse than the zombie apocalypse.

 

Anyways, to start off this zombie Tuesday, I thought I’d share what I wrote for my Self Review at the end of last year.  Unfortunately, my boss made me redo it, but here is my original self-review:

Kati, Administrative Zombie Slayer

Self-Review

 

Throughout this last year the zombie infestation has gotten more than a little out of control, and whereas it’s my job to deal with the undead pests as Administrative Zombie Slayer, I find that the alarm system that was set up is more distracting than helpful, and the shotgun pellets are starting to get expensive.

 

We have tried the freezing method, but then the sales team complains: “Oh, I can’t work under these conditions,” or “It’s so cold, I can’t feel my limbs,” so we are forced to turn on the heat again, and the zombies thaw and start to try and chew on anything with flowing blood, which does include the sales force.

 

I therefore recommend stronger firepower, and maybe booby-trapping the perimeters of our office.  Sure the explosions might be louder than the alarms were, and sure there might be some property damage, but hey, at least then we’ll be able to reduce the zombie infestation while we try to sell mats over here.

 

In between my efforts of battling the undead, I do enter in all the orders, answer all the questions about tracking, payments, and medical research on zombie infested bites, and I feel I perform these tasks rather admirably considering the circumstances.

 

I do feel it was a large drawback when we had to let the cyborg go do to an infected bite, but alas, I agree that having a zombie cyborg running about the office is quite terrifying.  That was a huge dampener on moral, and the troll that was hired in the cyborg’s place just isn’t doing it justice.  But hey, you work with what you’ve got.  And the troll doesn’t complain too much about the zombies’ goo when it comes to the messier aspects of the job.

 

Things that I feel I could improve upon for this coming year are, I think I would be able to get more filing done if I had stronger firepower along with the booby-traps that will hopefully be set by then.  And I’m not talking about little stuff, but rather flamethrowers, and maybe a mini-uzi or two.  That way I spend less time reloading the shotgun, and more time firing, therefore giving me more time to enter in orders and do some serious filing.

 

If the sales representatives complain about the noises of battle, I suggest we replace them with some of the zombies that have finally been tamed and trained to do a little bit of phone conversation.  Sure, we won’t be able to allow customers into the office anymore, since there’s the risk of those zombies going berserk and trying to eat them, but in the end, I think it will improve morale and general productivity.

 

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6 Comments

  1. brickcommajason said,

    That’s great. Do those zombies now work in tech support?

    “Press one for hrrrghhhh”

    • Kati Bartkowski's storysketches said,

      Hmm…I’m not sure who works in tech support, but with the amount of work they have to do we could very well replace them with the trained zombies. 🙂 Alright, I kid, slightly.

  2. tracyla said,

    when my hubby and i lived in LA a few years ago–everyone knows zombies in california naturally gravitate to LA–we actually developed a fool proof evacuation plan for when zombies take over the city… where to meet if it happened during work or any other time we were separated, where we would head for safety and essential quick-stops along the way, what to take with us (it came down to weapons, water, gas, food and toilet paper), and the necessary evil of what to do if one of us got infected (for the love of god, save yourself!). i love your post, it brought back great memories! i’ll be back for more. thanks for dropping by my site, hope to hear from you again.

    • Kati Bartkowski's storysketches said,

      My sisters and I are still trying to come up with a plan, but we can’t agree on where would be the ideal place to meet and defend.

      If you ever do a post on your zombie plans I would love to read it. I’m always interested in what other people’s plans are.

  3. usaukwoods said,

    I just can’t understand why your boss made you redo it. lol

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